So it looks like the story of my life continues to be:
"Frustration With Military Healthcare: Pensacola Edition".
I got burned not once, but twice today.
Went in to tell my Dr. that I am not only over a week late,
but I've also been experiencing some symptoms of what I think is pregnancy
or my body is just as stupid as I think it is.
So I asked for a blood pregnancy test.
I took a urine one last week here at home and it was a big fat NOT
and I've heard the blood tests are way more accurate and sensitive
and can pick up smaller amounts of hcg.
Well, my doctor just politely smiled at me,
He said that he would only give me another urine test,
which I know will be negative because my one at home was.
I called my mom and she said her urine tests were showing negative up until a month and a half to two months in with both me and my brother.
So I know this one will be a NOT as well.
I'm just so frustrated.
So as I sit there on the verge of tears, he looks at me and says,
"You're only 23. I don't understand why you care about getting pregnant anyway. It's not like your biological clock is ticking or anything."
Are you serious jerk?? (insert other choice word here. I'm trying to keep this clean).
So you're telling me that because I'm not staring menopause in the face,
I should just lay back and not give a crap when I get to be a mother?
What if I told you I want 3 kids, and the longer it takes to get each one makes the next that much less possible?
My poor husband sees me about to
reach out and deck him right in the eye start crying,
"See, AM just really wants this so bad; we both do. And it's hard for her because all of our friends had really easy times getting pregnant. Or weren't even trying at all. And as of right now she has at least one friend in every month of the pregnancy spectrum. So it's all she ever hears about from people and it gets difficult when it's all we think about."
I love him.
It's sexy when a man stands up for his woman.
But the Dr. just sits there,
and smiles at me.
And literally twiddles his thumbs.
And then he commits the cardinal sin.
The big mac-daddy.
The Super No-No.
My MALE doctor looks me right in my teary eyes and says,
"I KNOW EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL."
I swear I sat there a solid minute
unable to even believe he just said that
before I finally responded with,
"No. No, I'm pretty sure you don't."
and walked out the door.
So I went down the hall in tears,
took my stupid urine test,
and went home
and cried to my dog.
And of course got no call back about my results
that I was supposed to get in one hour.
So now here I sit,
angry and bitter and sad and a pathetic mess.
I got the, "come back in 6 months if nothing's happened" order.
I really don't want to be a constant cry-baby
or a constant complainer.
I really don't know how to end this post.
I'm just really kind of devastated.
I'm so sick of thinking about this.
And I'm sick of holding other peoples' babies
and feeling less and less every month like I'll ever hold my own.