Friday, February 1, 2013

It's Been Awhile...but I have a good excuse!

It's been a while. I know. It's awful. I have a good excuse! Promise!

Our beautiful son, Kaleb, was born on December 13, weighing just 5.11 lbs but cute as a button. Since then I've struggled to figure this mom thing out all by myself as my family is 11 hours away, and have also gone back to work. So I've been a little busy.

But I've found a new passion: blogging about the things I've learned since being a first time mom. Cloth diapering? Co-sleeping? Working? Colic? Breastfeeding? Trying to stay sane? It's all up for grabs. So I have created a new blog called If Only I Would Have Known, and I truly hope you loves will follow me over there and read about all of our daily trials and triumphs as we figure out this new world of parenting and Kaleb puts up amiably with my lack of know-how.

Thank you all so much for supporting this blog and for following me on my journey of trying to conceive - your support and comments and love have truly helped get me through some of my hardest times. I really hope you'll come check me out on my new site and support me in that venture as well.

Here's the address:

Happy reading, friends :)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Another Blog Fail

yet another blogger fail....
I'm coming to realize I'm terrible at keeping up with this thing,
but it's hard to have the heart to let it go
since it's our whole struggle all in one place
and helps me to look back and be grateful.

I can't believe it's been almost a year since we were labeled as infertile
and now we're 8 weeks away from welcoming our baby boy into the world.
I still cry when I think about it,
mostly because I'm amazed that it happened,
but also because I still know so many people out there trying.
It's weird to be on this side of it all.
Now I know how friends of mine felt who had been in my shoes and then gotten pregnant,
how even as happy as you are you feel angry too
that other people are still struggling all around you.
It seems so unfair.
I also feel blessed though that I had that struggle,
because there hasn't been a day that I've taken this pregnancy for granted,
I'm so much slower to complain about anything pregnancy-related,
and I've taken more joy in little things than I have about anything else in my life.

I hope that I'm doing my friends proud
who are still out there praying and hoping and dreaming;
I hope that they know how much I appreciate this,
and how I still pray daily on hands and knees for them to have the same.
I've recently had two very good friends who had been trying finally learn they are pregnant,
and I'm hoping to hear of more. 

This baby has been my saving grace,
my catapult back into my faith,
my determination to become a better person overall,
and the beautiful product of my marriage.

So, I continue to wait for Christmas Eve,
when our son will be born
and I'll finally hold him in my arms.
And don't worry,
the irony of his due date isn't lost on me ;)

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Drumroll, Please!

Wow everyone,
I can't believe I have been this neglectful!
I truly am sorry. 
We have been swept away by so much the past few months,
it's still hard to believe.

First of all, 
BE finished his program and I finally got to pin on those beautiful silver wings.
I don't think I've ever been so proud of anyone in my life!
We also found out we will be a very happy B-52 family!! 
I jumped up in tears when I realized that we had gotten our first choice.
I am so grateful that BE worked as hard as he did through this program
so that his scores would enable us to go where we wanted.

Then, just this week,
we got official notification that after his training
(which will be 8 months in Shreveport, Louisiana)
we will get to stay in Shreveport at Barksdale AFB long-term
instead of getting transferred to the other B-52 base in Minot, North Dakota.
My mom cried when I told her we would be staying close!

We also had our renewal of vows ceremony,
and it was so beautiful!
It was all I ever dreamed, and so so so much more,
probably because while we had all of our family and friends there,
we got to announce that

WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!

I still can't believe it myself.
I think we are both sincerely in shock,
mostly at just how absolutely HUGE God is
and how much more than us He knows. 
We had finally gotten in to see a reproductive endocrinologist,
which was booked 4 months out for a first appointment
so we had just decided to lay all our trying aside 
and fore-go all the methods our regular doctors had had us trying
and we said we would just pick back up with whatever the RE told us to do.
Then, days before our appointment,
we found out that we were pregnant. I was at work and went downstairs and had a tech draw blood for me as a favor, and sure enough, when she handed me the paper back,
I swear I expected the millionth negative result.
But there it was.
The most beautiful word I have ever seen.
I literally fell to my knees in tears.
All I could do was sit there,
crying and praying with all my heart.
After so long,
all those tearful heartbroken months,
all those disappointing tests,
all our friends' announcements after a month or two of trying
(or not trying at all),
all those nights spent crying into the carpet,
begging God to just tell me why He wasn't making me a mother.
I was one.

To make it even more perfect than it already was,
guess when we are due?
Christmas Eve.
Sometimes I think He does it on purpose,
just to remind us of our place in the world.
And I'm so glad He knows better than I do :)

Tuesday, April 24, 2012


100 posts. 
I can't believe that I have shared so much of my life with all of you!

Everything, really.
I am kind of overwhelmed today.
The sky is blue and cloudless and it's so nice and warm and breezy out.
We will be finding out our platform and where we will go
in 45 short days.
Our vow renewal is in a little over a month,
and we've had some very exciting news this past week
that we can't wait to hopefully share soon.

Our world is about to change,
much like it changed when we got married
when we packed up our little apartment in Auburn
when we both started our careers,
when we found the Lord,
when we got here and learned new road names.
Soon we will be learning everything all over again
and the thought is intimidating,
but exciting at the same time.
It's sad though, to realize that soon our group of friends here will all split up,
everyone will go to their separate planes and bases
and we will never be "this" group ever again.
I am reminded of my favorite episode of House, where a patient tells him,
"I'm going to base this moment on who I'm stuck in a room with.
It's what life is.
It's a series of rooms and who we get stuck in those rooms with
adds up to what our lives are."
We have loved this "room" of our life here in Pensacola.
We loved our room in Auburn.
We loved our separate rooms in Georgia and North Carolina.
And now I wonder if I will end up loving the next rooms in the same way.

Have you ever been stuck in a room with someone and had them say something so profound
it has stuck with you?
In what "rooms" have you learned the most?

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

I Smell Barbeque

BE and I are hardly ever home.
I got a second job
and he's about to hit the flight line again.
And that means hardly any "us" time.
But here are some things we have done lately:

gone to a bluegrass festival on the water
had two dozen friends over for Easter lunch
spring cleaned
spent the day on the beach
 filled out paperwork for my new reproductive endocrinologist
and tried out a new restaurant.

But these things have also happened:

BE: "You know, it's a good thing that everything you do in the kitchen turns out this good. Otherwise, I'd have to fire you."
Me: "Oh really. And who would you get to replace me?"
BE: "...Colonel Sanders."

singing Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love To You" in the car while parked in the garage at our house just to prove we knew all the words

As I'm bending down to plug in my rolling computer at work:
"Yeah, girl, you plug that thing in!!!"
*moment of embarrassment and shock*
BE: "hahaha did you think I was a patient? Please tell me you thought I was a patient!"

Turning on a romantic song in the car to try to set the mood...
BE: "Hey, do you smell barbeque? I swear I smell barbeque. They must have known I would be driving down this way!"
Me: "Remind me to not try so hard anymore, ok?"
BE: "huh?"
Me: "Just remind me."

So, needless to say, it's been fun lately.
And that's so important when you're busy.
You can be all the busy with life you want, but at the end of the day,
it's important to be busy having fun together too.
And I think we manage that quite well.



Thursday, March 15, 2012

The Days Go By

It is warming up here in Pensacola
Unfortunately that means turning on the A/C (yep, I caved)
which means high power bills again already...
I can't believe it's March and I've lived here over a year now.

Something else hit me the other day.
Namely that we have only a few short months left before BE finds out which plane he's on,
which also determines where we move next,
which in turn determines which bases we could be at for the rest of his career.
My heart about stopped when I realized that by Christmas
we will be setting up in a new home
in a new place
in a new state.

But you know,
that's one of the cool things about being in the military.
We will have spent our first three Christmases all in different parts of the country.
I get to decorate another house the way I like it,
I get to explore new towns,
I get to experience new climates,
I get to expand my small Southern horizons.
And that is just so darn cool.
You get to keep the friends you've made
and yet still start over fresh somewhere new.
My husband gets to feel fulfilled and do a job he loves,
and I get to experience a life I never would have otherwise if I hadn't married the Air Force.
I just know that God is brewing something amazing,
that he has already hand-picked our next assignment,
is working on piecing together our new chapter together.
 And that just absolutely excites me.

What is something you find neat about the military?

Monday, March 12, 2012

Engagement Session

I couldn't be more excited right now!!
I put up my second post on my brand new photography blog
featuring some of my favorite pictures from a shoot I did this past week
of two of BE's and my friends
who are recently engaged!
I think they turned out amazing
(if I do say so myself)
and I'm so excited to finally see the vision of what I wanted to be doing from the start
starting to slowly but surely
begin to take form.
I had so much fun,
and it just made me realize more than ever that this is something I want to stick with.

Since I am still learning,
I welcome feedback,
so please go check out my other blog and let me know what you think!!!!
(oh, and please follow me on there too!)