Sunday, December 11, 2011

Have You Thanked Someone Today?

Today, I saw a police officer eating lunch alone.
 And it made me realize just how many unsung heroes there are in our communities.
 My husband gets thanked often,
 asked about his service. 
 I have had countless military friends have hands shaken,
 meals anonymously paid for,
 favors done in kind.
 But I have never seen anyone walk over to a police officer
 or a fireman
 and ask them about what led them to their job,
 or thank them for their service.
 I'm not saying that no one does,
 but I feel like in military towns sometimes other public servants go somewhat unnoticed.
 Sometimes it's harder to tell,
 like with teachers,
 or nurses, 
 or childcare workers,
 who wear normal clothes.
 But I have decided that I am going to make a point this season
 to thank someone that I think may never have been thanked before.
 Take a plate of cookies to my local volunteer fire station,
 pay for a police officer's meal,
 tell my friends who are teachers that I don't know how they do what they do
 and keep their sanity
 (because I don't).
 Your local EMS?
 They've probably saved the life of someone you know.
 Your garbage man/woman?
 Does a job you wouldn't want to do, thanklessly.
 Your mail carrier? 
 Would probably love a Christmas card this year.
A waitress?
 Only makes about $2.00 an hour, and literally relies on tips to make ends meet
 (and I know this because I waited tables for 8 years for people who thought we at least make minimum wage...we wish!!)

 So, the moral of this story is,
 while you're in the holiday spirit
 and sending out checks and donations left and right to charities,
 and buying tons of presents for people you know,
 do something small for someone who goes largely unrecognized in your community,
 whomever you think that may be.
 I promise, they will appreciate it
 more than you realize.
 Imagine the joy you could bring,
 just by doing something simple!!

 So, I challenge you:
 and then post about it!
 Link up below this week to the post talking about your random act of kindness,
 and we can all have fun reading how we have enriched lives.
 And really,
 isn't that what Christmas is about anyway?

Friday, December 2, 2011

Hello, World. I Have Arrived!

I am super excited to announce that my Etsy shop is open for business!!
 I got my first three photographs stretched onto canvas
 and now my babies are spreading their wings!! (so to speak lol)
So go check me out at:

and tell your friends about it! 
If I get good feedback on my shop I will start adding more.
 I really want to see some of my Blue Angels photos on canvas too.
 For right now I'm just excited to be up and running!
 This is the beginning of a dream I've had in my head for a long time.
 Being only an amateur photographer
 it's a dream I never thought I would see come true. 
 So it might only be a start,
 but that's just the point -
it's a start.


Sunday, November 27, 2011

"Thanksgiving is over! Christmas is now!"

To preface the title of this post,
 the hubs and I had a funny moment the other night.
 I asked him to put up THE TREE.
 To which he, as always, rolled his eyes and whined.
 You know, like men do.
 Since men don't understand women's obsessions with things
(like Christmas).
After much convincing, he proceeded to comment that,
 "Thanksgiving was just yesterday, though."
 and to which I replied,
 "Thanksgiving is over! Christmas is now!"

 Needless to say, our tree is assembled in the corner
 glowing in Christmas beauty as we speak.

 Got some bad news this week.
 Apparently the place we picked to have our wedding ceremony in Atlanta,
 which overlooks Piedmont Park,
 will be on the road that will be shut down on our wedding date
 during the exact hours of our ceremony...
 for a Red Bull soap box derby.
 Which means thousands of drunk idiots all over the park
 (where we were going to take pictures)
 being loud and obnoxious and probably being the reason my whole family won't find our wedding location because they are all out-of-towners and roads will be closed.
 Honestly, I'm worried that we won't even be able to hear ourselves think.
 Of course our coordinator waited to call and tell me the news
 "so as not to ruin our holiday".
 Good thing we already bought all of our save the dates.
 With the date on them.
 And the venue.
 And they shipped.
 And they're already in envelopes at my house.
 So now I don't really know what to do.
 Grin and bear it?
 Hope it's not that bad?
 Because I can't really change the date thanks as always to the lovely Air Force,
 and I can't really change the location because it's printed on 200 paid-for save the dates.
What would you do?

 Also, I'm entering this picture on 
on the show-off page!
 I just ordered this picture as a canvas to become my first shop item on Etsy!!!
 I'm super excited about this.
 I plan to sell a whole line of canvasses of different door-knobs,
 because I'm weird and they're my photography obsession.
 I hope there are other people out there who like door-knobs lol.
 Have a great week everyone!!

and then, she {snapped}

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Life As A Nurse

I feel terrible that my updates are so sporadic these days,
but work has been taking up all my time!
 Today ended my first week off of orientation,
 and I'll tell you what:
 Big Girl Panties are scary.
 I had that shift last week,
 you know,
 the one that might as well have had Murphy's Law stamped in bright red all over it?
 Everything went wrong,
 I ran around all day and night
 and didn't even realize I hadn't stopped to pee once since 6 a.m.
I should have just inserted my own catheter.
 Hauling the bag around would have been easier.
 But then, I had one patient,
 and as he stood there telling me about how much his necessary medications cost,
 and how hard it is for him, 
 I had my first "ah-ha" moment as a nurse.
I was TRULY listening to him.
 Not just HEARING him.
 Really taking to heart what he was saying,
 feeling my heart break for him as he looked so defeated by the system,
 and so I sat.
 Even though I was busy.
 I just sat, facing him, and I listened.
 And it really opened my heart. 
 I was reminded of a verse:
 James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,
 slow to speak, and slow to anger."
 I was so frustrated by the shift, 
by feeling like I just couldn't get caught up to save my life,
 but in that moment I began to pray all of that away.
 And I listened.
 I heard not only the words my patient was speaking, but WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO SAY.
 And as I left later, he looked at me and said,
 "You know, I've had lots of fine nurses, but you've been one of the best."
 Talk about a heart bursting.
 Bursting with appreciation that for that shift, I had gotten that opportunity,
 and that God had given me ears to listen.
Wishing that I could solve all the problems of every person in the world,
 and having the knowledge to realize that I can't.
 But also to realize what I CAN do.
 And that's be more than just a waitress with a fancy title,
 more than just a medicine machine,
 more than just that girl who pops her head in every once in a while.
 I can be an example.
 I can be a picture of how a Christian woman should be.
 I can be the one person who truly cares,
 and takes the time to do as much as I can about it.
 I can be the person who knows my patients backwards and forwards
 and advocates for their best interests,
 even when the day has been long and I'm already behind.
 I can be the one who sits with them when they are scared and tells dumb jokes when they need a laugh,
 explain things to them instead of telling them it's "because the doctor says you need it,"
 the one who makes things right by them.
 I can be what it truly means to be a Nurse.
 And if I can be that,
 no matter how stressful my week was,
 I consider it a complete and total success.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Lots of Exciting Announcements!

Hello fellow bloggers!
 So much has been happening in my life lately!
 It makes me kind of tired just thinking about it :)

 But it's all good and exciting stuff,
 so I guess I'll let it slide.
 Just this once.
 For starters,
 I said YES to a dress!!
 I got to go shopping in Atlanta
 with my mom and my brother's girlfriend
 last weekend,
 and boom!
 There it was.
 It's so unique and simple and lovely,
 I can't stop staring at it!
 Since the hubs doesn't read the blog,
 I can show you guys :)

Another exciting piece of news is that I am now officially a
Go check out their website by clicking on the link on the side of my page.
 Another link will shortly be posted to my Facebook page.
 There is a Veterans Day Sale going on if you buy from me
 and use the code VETS
Bravo Tango Tees - Veterans' Day Sale
or use THIS LINK to buy from me!
I LOVE their shirts, and they make great gifts for military friends and family!
 They also have some great motivational shirts on the site as well!
 Check them out!

 My Etsy shop
 "The Living Lens"
 will also be up later in the month!!
 I am in the process of getting my first group of items together
 before I list them.
 I am so excited!!
 I will be selling some of my own photography stretched onto canvas,
 hand-painted canvasses with Bible verses on them,
 and even some custom canvas work for your photography!
 My dream is to take peoples' wedding pictures and superimpose their vows into the background <3

 My husband has started his next phase of training,
 and nursing is taking me away from home for a few days each week,
 but it's been amazing and busy and wonderful
 and I'm thankful for it.
 BE and I also want to send out a huge thank you to all the Marines out there today,
 as they celebrate the birthday of the Marine Corps!!
 Thank you men/women, and your families, for all you do!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Help!! Blogger In Technicality-Induced Distress!!

I am losing hair.
 Literally AND metaphorically.
 Wanna know why?


 I am drowning in a sea of legal know-how
 that I don't have a clue how-to.
 A few days ago I had some friends look through my photos
 and mention that I should try to blow some up and sell them.
 I laughed.
 Then I considered.
 And now I'm committed.
 I can see some of my beach scenes above fireplaces,
 and Blue Angels pics posted on some little boy's bedroom wall.
 So I'm going to transfer some of them to canvas
 and try to share with the world a little passion of mine.
 But I'm not very Etsy-savvy.
 And therein lies my problem.
 as with EVERYTHING in this world,
 It's not "just that easy".

 In short, I want to get all the legal mumbo-jumbo done
 before I create the actual shop.
 But what all do I actually need?
 It's just me, in my living room,
 printing pictures onto canvas.
 That's it.
 No employees
 (the dog works for treats)
 and no real workspace.

 Here are things I've been told I need:
 a Florida business license
 a Business Tax Receipt (BTR)
 a DBA
 a "fictitious name" (not sure if that's the same as a DBA)
 an EIN
 a Sales and Tax Exemption Number
 and something for Income Tax.

 You've got to be kidding me.
 I have NO CLUE what all this stuff means,
 or even if I really need it.
 I just don't want the Law coming knocking at my door
 ready to take me away in handcuffs because I forgot some form.
 So, Etsy loves,
 If anyone knows anything about any of this,
 please please please shed some light for me!!
 Either respond here or email me at

 I will love you FOREVER.
 your business illiterate friend,
 Me :)

Thursday, October 27, 2011

As Time Goes By (a.k.a. I'm A Slacker)

I'm a bloggy slacker.
 So, to the blogosphere,
 I'm Sorry!
 I started my new job
 and so that has been taking up a lot of time
 with orientation
 and then actually being on the floor (eek!)
 but it's nice to finally be a "Real Nurse"
 (which is what I'm convinced RN really stands for lol)
 even though a lot of days 
 I forget that I'm not a student anymore.

I had a patient who found out I was married to the Air Force,
 and from then on every time I walked into the room he would raise an eyebrow and say,
 "Oh, look. Fly Boy's wife is back"
 Made me chuckle.

 Things with the wedding have been going well - 
 I have kind of a dilemma though.
 I have a very good friend from college,
 who I had originally asked to be in the wedding last year,
 but she disappeared off the face of the earth a few months ago,
 and I figured we were at odds over something I was unaware of.
 I tried to re-establish contact, with no luck.
 I shrugged, and moved on.
 Suddenly, she contacted me out of the blue today.
 Problem herein lies,
 that I planned the wedding in the meantime,
 and since I never expected to hear from her again,
 asked other people.
 What to do?

 BE and I have been busy lately,
 celebrating our One Year anniversary a little early.
 We went to Disney World!! 
 A first time for the hubs.
 We ate SO. MUCH. FOOD.
 Oh my word.
 It was ridiculous.
 But for anyone who ever wondered,
 October is apparently the best time of the year to go to Disney,
 because we didn't wait in a single line at any park over 30 minutes.
 It was bliss,
 especially since I've experienced Disney during the summer.
 Doesn't even do it justice.

 It was a wonderful trip and we enjoyed being together,
 being silly,
 and remembering why we're "bestest good friends".
 I can't believe it's been a year already.
 The best year of my life :)
 Hopefully that bodes more amazing years to come.
We went to the Magic Kingdom early one morning
 to watch Mickey come in on the train and open the park for the day,
 and I started crying when they played
 "When You Wish Upon A Star"
 and welcomed everyone in.
 And my wonderful husband just grabbed my hand,
 squeezed it silently three times for "I Love You"
 and was sweet enough to not laugh at me.

 What's your favorite anniversary memory?
Do you and your significant other have any special little unspoken tokens of affection like our hand squeezes?

 I hope you have a MAGICAL day :)


Sunday, October 16, 2011

Scrimps and Wedding Surprises :)

We went with some friends of ours to the Shrimp Festival today
 (my husband calls them Scrimps)
 and I ate carnival food and crab cakes 
 like fat wasn't even a word.
 It was fab.

 I also saw tons and tons of pictures
 that people had blown up and had printed onto canvas
 and were selling for OBNOXIOUS prices.
 I mean, I know I'm not a pro or anything,
 but I have some pictures that I think are pretty darn good.
 Maybe I should look into that,
 selling some of them.
 Which brings me to another point,
 of the fact that I can't wait to decorate our next house.
 Our furniture was all hand-me-down
 and nothing matches
 and there's really no theme in the whole place.
 When we move again we hope to get new stuff
 and hang some of my photography
 and make it look more cohesive.
 I can't wait.

 BE and I are trying to plan a trip for our 1-year anniversary
 coming up soon!!!
 Sadly, there isn't a single cabin still available in Gatlinburg
 or anywhere close.
 So who knows where we will go?
 We've thought Disney,
 or Charleston,
 but we're on the fence.
 Also trying to figure out how much we can afford to spend,
 with me paying on wedding stuff.

 I may quite possibly have found my dress this week!!!
 It's gorgeous.
 Taffeta, empire waste, buttons down the back and Swarovski crystals.
 Like, you don't even know.
 I almost have to buy this dress on principle. 
It's that bad.

 I also decided on navy blue bridesmaids dresses,
 white hydrangeas,
 and silver shoes.
 I think I am going to have fun making this stuff DIY :)
 It's kind of nice that this is our ceremony,
 and not our actual marriage,
 because there is so much less stress!!
 Who cares if it goes off without a hitch?
 That everything looks absolutely perfect?
 Because they're coming to show their love for us,
 not to see us put on a show.
 I can't wait!

 that I'm going to do for BE at our reception,
 and he has NO IDEA.
 So glad I can share it here!!
 I play piano, and I am obsessed with a certain song.
 So I bought the piano score for it the other day,
 and I'm going to practice it when he's not home,
 so I can play and sing it to him before our first dance.
 I think it's going to be adorable
 if I can do it without bawling like a baby. 
Hope you like the song :)

Thursday, October 6, 2011


 I am stupidly excited.
 And girly.
 And I'm not girly.
 But today,
 I am caving in with a giant
 of unrestrained giddyness.

 And I'll tell you why.

 Last year,
 when the hubs and I decided we were in LURVE and wanted to get hitched,
 we had very little time to do it
 before he was supposed to report to OTS,
 after which he would be moving to Florida,
 and I couldn't go with him
 unless we were married.
 Stupid housing rules.
 So we decided to elope (pretty much).
 I was too stubborn to just go to the courthouse,
 but I was in the middle of nursing school and there was NO WAY a big wedding was going to happen.
 So we decided to go up to the mountains in Gatlinburg
 and seal the deal,
 just him and me
 and have our shindig later.
 My mother had other plans.
 Suddenly, we had about ten guests,
 a dress,
 and cake.
 We couldn't win.
 So we went on with it,
 knowing that we still wanted to have a wedding
 where all of our friends and family could come
 and celebrate with us.
 I have been dreaming of said wedding since I was about 4,
 when I was a bride for Halloween.
 Fake bouquet, clip-on earrings and all.

 we have been trying to plan said event
 since our marriage last November,
 but every date ends up falling through. 
 Yay training.
 It got to the point where I was embarrassed to tell my girlfriends
 "so we think we may be able to do it ______"
 I think they probably didn't even believe me anymore.

But today, it has happened.
 We found a place.
 We booked it.
 We set a date.
 And I started planning.
 What my mother doesn't understand is why we still feel the need to do this,
 when in her eyes we had a "perfectly nice wedding" last year.
 The reason we feel we need to do it
 is because none of our friends got to be there.
 And then we left town and moved here,
 and haven't gotten to see many of them again.
 We want all of our friends
 in one place
 to celebrate our marriage
 and renew our vows
 because our lives are going to change so much in the next year.
 We don't even know where we'll be living.
 Yay training.
 I never got to do all the girly stuff.
 I never got to plan.
 I never got to pick colors and food and bridesmaids dresses and centerpieces.
 And I'm kind of selfishly excited about all that.
 And my husband loves that I'm a DIY girl :)

(p.s. if you follow me on Pinterest,
 I apologize in advance for the spewing of wedding junk
that is about to ensue on my page).

Monday, October 3, 2011


Man, I've been busy lately.
 Mostly busy not being busy.
 I need work to start now!
 (before I lose my mind in this house)
 because it can only get SO clean...
 my husband called me the other day
 and asked why I sounded out of breath on the phone
 (and probably thought, 'It's finally happened; she's cheating on me WHILE I'M ON THE PHONE WITH HER') lol
 he got home, bust through the door
 to find me on my hands and knees scrubbing the daylights out of our ugly linoleum kitchen floor.
 Our house STILL smells like Pine Sol.
 His response?
 "Oh. Well, you can cheat on me with cleaning products anytime."

 My grandparents came down for a visit,
 which made my week because neither of them is in the best health,
and now that we live here it's difficult to see them.
 I got to see my little brother and his girlfriend for dinner tonight too,
 and that was great because he's old enough now to where we can talk like adults
 and that's a really great thing.
 I love how close we are.
 (even though he'll seem 8 years old in my head his whole life probably).
 So I've been blessed to see family in the past two weeks.

 BE and I are also into our group Bible study on Sundays too,
 dissecting Romans
 (the book, not the people)
 and it has been very enlightening for me,
 because sometimes when I read the Bible,
 I feel like an idiot 
 (not gonna lie)
 so it's nice to have a dense book like Romans
 put into terms I can understand.
 I found it much harder to really get excited about my faith
 when I couldn't even grasp what I was reading.
We are also into Lesson 2 of our Fireproof study
 and that one has been pretty eye-opening as well.
 I'm glad we can carve out a few hours a week for these things.
 I think our marriage has gotten better because of them.
 You get to learn a little more about the other person
 by hearing how they interpret things.

 I love the fact that Fall has finally decided to arrive in Florida.
 My house is decorated,
 the "Fall Leaves and Spice" AirWick's are in place,
 I baked a loaf of pumpkin bread today,
 and Buster is really enjoying getting to be out in the yard for longer than 5 minutes
 without me worrying about heat stroke.
 I absolutely LOVE getting to have the windows open all day
 and my air conditioner not kick on :)

 Now, as promised,
 some pictures from our recent adventures!


Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Just Rambles

I'm mostly writing
 because I want to win the giveaway today
for an Air Force sign!
 They are so cute.
 So no offense, but I'd rather none of you enter
 so I can win :)
 as if there weren't a million people already entered.
 Oh well,
 maybe this will be my first giveaway win?
 Who knows!
She is running a giveaway every day this week as part of...

So go over and enter some giveaways
 (just not this one) ;)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

the Cream of the Crop

I am constantly reminded
 just how blessed I am
 to have met all the wonderful people out there
 through having this blog.
 No matter where in the world we are,
 there are people out there who know exactly what we are going through
 at any given time,
 and can help pull us up and encourage us.
 And that's exactly the experience I have had.
 Today I was so honored to see that I was the recipient of 
 Bloggy award!
 A big thank you to Janessa over at
 for thinking of me!

 So now I get to share some fun stuff!
 The rules are:
 1. Thank and link back to the person who gave the award to you
 2. Share 7 things about yourself
 3. Send it along to 15 other bloggers and let them know you have awarded them!

 7 things about me...
 1. I met my husband on a dating website
 2. The single best thing I did in college was adopt my dog from the pound
 (against my mother's wishes)
 3. I am obsessed with Taste of Home magazine
 4. We have been unsuccessfully trying for a baby for 6 months now
 5. We are big Red Sox fans (even though neither of us are from Boston)
 6. I am closer to my grandfather than any other member of my family
 7. I am really excited that we live in a neighborhood now and will actually have Trick-or-Treaters this year!!

 And now, I pass this award along to....
 1. the Adventures of a Bee & a Dragonfly
2. Fearlessly Infertile
3. Fort Living Room
4. Chambanachik
5. While I'm Waiting
6. Tiaras and ACU's
7. The Johnston's
8. Mrs. Alana's Miscellany
9. Our Crazy Life
10. The New "Normal"
11. Letters To You
12. I'm His Wife...The Army Is His Mistress
13. To Love A Soldier
14. Goodnight Moon
15. A Few of My Favorite Things

 Not all of these blogs are "new,"
 or even new to me -
 but they're some that I make sure I read,
 and ones that I love,
 whose writers I love :)
 Here's to you ladies!!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Totally New Tuesdays #7

Hello again everyone!!

 The hubs and I had a GREAT first official "date day" Saturday -
 we went over to Mobile, AL and visited the USS Alabama,
 which was super cool!
 I took lots of pictures
 so those will be coming soon :)
 We held hands,
 talked nonstop,
 and were obnoxiously, disgustingly in love the whole time.
 It was great.

 Now, on to the theme for today -
another new bloggy friend of mine for you all to go shower with affection
 and fan-dom!!
 She calls herself the Princess,
 and blogs about family life with her hubby and daughter "Diva".
 Her posts make me laugh and are always so 
 true life!

 Check her out HERE
 at her blog "Tiaras & ACU's".
 Here she is to tell you a little more:
 "Hello!  I am a sweet (sarcastic), angelic (little devilish) Army Princess; Hubby just got home from a 15 month deployment followed directly by ALC.  We have a little 7 year old (7.5 if you ask her) Diva that rules the roost... in her mind that is.  I am very active with military widows, work full time, and spend my weekends saving the world.  I started my blog to get through the deployment, oh we are a Reserve family so I don’t know anyone that has EVERY dealt with a deployment.  I love getting to know other bloggers, writing... and just enjoying our West Coast sun.  Now that Hubby is home the world revolves around the nasty ‘R’ word, Reintegration."

Go show her some lovin'
 fit for a Princess!!
 Also, don't forget,
 if you are a blogger who would like to spread the word
 about how AWESOME you are,
 send me an email at
 so that I can feature you!
p.s. You also get to display the super cool button I have in my right-hand column
once you've been featured.
 Now that's a perk if I've ever seen one.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

How To "Date" Your Own Husband

So this past week has been pretty rough.
 But it's also been pretty darn great.
 This might be a long post,
 so grab your pumpkin spice latte
 (come on, we all know you've already caved this season)
 and curl up.

 I was not a Christian before I met my husband.
 I attended church,
 even taught Sunday School,
 but was not truly a Christian.
 My husband always has been.
 The night before he left for Officer Training School
 he got re-baptized with me
 just the two of us at our church.
 It was the first for me.
 Since then, I have struggled.
 Struggled to maintain and even grow my faith,
 especially when I thought OTS was going to rip my marriage clean in two
 (and which it very nearly did)
 mostly because of my bad attitude. 
 When he left for the second time,
 it was better.
That time, I didn't blame him.
 Even when I dropped him off at the airport
 and on the way home my very faithful car died in the middle of the street.
 Or the next day when I thought I accidentally forgot the parking break on his mustang
 and was sure it had rolled back into our garage door,
 which was why it wasn't opening.
 And my keys were now locked inside
 because of course the garage door keypad had gone haywire.
 And I called a locksmith
 who took an hour to get into my house.
 And when I then tried to re-enter my garage code,
 and the door opened right up.
 Yep, not even then.

 And then we started trying for a baby,
 and that's been a less than perfect journey.
 But we decided to take some time out of his incredibly busy schedule
 and do a Bible study together
 for the first time.
 Our AMAZING friends/neighbors gave us Fireproof.
 We watched the movie and did week one's lesson.
 I didn't realize my husband was this smart.
 Let me elaborate
 (before you think I'm a total jerk).
 Being a new Christian,
 I suffer from interpreting the Bible EXTREMELY literally.
 And I often way way way get it wrong.
 We were instructed by the study to read a passage,
 the one that talks about how God knows every hair on your head and knew you when you were being formed in your mother's womb;
 how we were fearfully and wonderfully made.
 Well, I turned to BE in a fit of residual baby-anger
 and said,
"Well, see, women were meant to have babies. Otherwise Adam wouldn't have needed Eve.
 So if a woman can't have a baby,
 then obviously God messed up.
 If we are all made in His image,
 none of us should be messed up.
 So that doesn't even make sense."
 To which my wonderful husband replied,
 "No, no. You're missing the point.
 Women were made to be companions -
 the man was not supposed to be lonely,
 so God made him a helper, a friend, a companion.
 You're supposed to be my friend first."

 So I say,
 "Well then why did God give me this intense desire to be a mother,
 if I may never be? If that's not my plan?"
 BE very thoughtfully replies,
 "Well, just because you may never have biological children
 doesn't mean that those feelings are misplaced.
 Maybe your purpose for those feelings is to be a Sunday School teacher,
 and impact children that way,
 or maybe even adopt
 and change a child's life.
 God has a purpose for those feelings,
 even if we don't know them yet."

 Sometimes I think God gave me the husband he did to humble me.
 What an incredible teaching moment that was.
 And the first time that I had really seen my husband become the spiritual leader in our marriage like that.
 What a man I have.
 I never would have looked at those passages that way.
 I would have stayed stuck in my narrow-minded justifications of my anger and bitterness.

 I sat next to a blind man at the hospital today
 waiting on a prescription to be filled.
 We talked about church and God.
 How happy he was - and he was totally blind.
 Said he had hitch-hiked to get to his doctor's appointment,
 and it had taken him three rides.
 And to think I had never thanked God for the simplicity of my health.
 For my circumstances.
 For having a husband and a house and a car and the sight to drive it.

 This has truly been a humbling and teaching week for me.
 BE and I have decided to "date" again - 
 we're going to take Saturdays and do fun things.
 We have some plans for the next few weeks 
 and I'm pretty excited about that.
 A friend of mine who had struggled with conceiving
 told me to look at this situation as,
 "Who do you want to be when you get pregnant?"
 and that changed my perspective on everything.
 I want to be the best person/woman/wife/Christian/friend/daughter/sister that I can be.
 I need to work on myself first.
 And my marriage.
 And God will add in another when he knows I'm ready for it.
 This is my challenge,
 but I think I'm ready.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Totally New Tuesdays #6

UGHHH Blogger!
 I wrote up this whole post and apparently it never posted
 and didn't save.

 Well, better late than never I guess.
 So here goes again!
 This week I have an amazing lady to introduce you to!
 Her name is Kirstin and she is a military wife
 in the midst of finding encouragement during deployment.
 Her blog, The Johnston's ,  is inspirational,
 and I have really stopped and reflected myself as I have read her posts.
 She is a true follower of Christ!

 I will let her introduce herself a little better:
My name Kirstin Johnston. I am 19 years young & loving the life God gave me. I love to sing, shop, anything crafty, and to read. I am a girls girl, i love to get my nails done, i love clothes, shoes, and jewlery.I have always loved to write, journal, scrapbook, any sort of memory keeping activities. I don't think I have a lot of interesting things to say but you never know who is reading and who can relate to you. I married the man of my dreams on July 10, 2010. We met when I was 13 years old at church, his father is our pastor. We were best friends and began dating when I was 15. Since that day, we have been inseparable. We got married when I was 18 and he was 2 days away from being 20. We were told we were crazy and didn't know what we were getting into. But when you know you found the person God made for you, why wait? My husband is in the Army national guard and is currently deployed to Iraq. While deployment is one of the hardest things I've been through, I can honestly say I am thankful. I see the way God is using him as a witness to soldiers and it has only made me a stronger person. Deployment makes you appreciate your spouse so much more along with the little things, like being able to eat dinner together every night. I hope my blog is an encouragement to you, and maybe something I say puts a smile on your face ! 

 Her posts have certainly encouraged me,
 I hope you will go and show her the love,
 and give her some hope as she makes it through this deployment!!

Monday, September 19, 2011

And I'm The Only One

Yesterday was very surreal.
 I had a little group of girls
 Girls who were all trying for babies like me,
 girls who understood the sting of each month passing,
 girls who I could call and cry to.
 But now I'm the only one.
 All in a matter of two days.
 I woke up the other day
 and saw one of their announcements on Facebook.
 Then heard from a friend who is two weeks late
 and hasn't been feeling well.
 We all know what that means.
 Then I talked to a friend from college.
 They're prego too.
 So then through my tears,
 I sent a text to one of my best friends
 who has been trying as long as we have
 and said that now we were all that was left,
 but I bet she would be next since all of my other friends
 apparently were drinking some water I couldn't find.
 Sure enough,
 the reply came back.
 She had missed her period,
 but hadn't told me 
 because she knew how bad it would hurt.
 And just like that,
 I was alone.

 I know I can still talk to my friends,
 but I don't want to ruin their happiness
 by complaining about my problems.
 Here where we live
 I'm already that taboo 
 "girl who can't get pregnant,"
 you know, 
 the one that everyone talks about their babies and pregnancies around,
 and then suddenly remember is there
 and freak out like,
 oh crap, we just talked about that in front of her...
 then come the awkward questions about how trying is going.
Just because they don't know what else to say.
 And I don't blame them for that,
 because there really is nothing to say.
 Nothing that wouldn't be awkward anyway.
 And I don't want to be the pity-poor friend.

 It seems like it's either one end of the spectrum or the other.
 I've had people almost afraid to talk to me,
 avoiding the subject completely,
 and then there are the others
 who just call me a "whiner" and tell me that since I haven't been trying
 for X number of years like they have,
 or since I haven't been labeled unable to ever have children yet,
 then I need to just be quiet.
 but I must have missed the memo on when wanting a child
 and being unsuccessful
 turned into a one-up contest.
 I've talked to people who have only been trying for two or three months
 and I still feel for them.
 It doesn't mean you can't talk about your struggles
 just because you're not the person who has been struggling the longest.
 That's not what it's about.
 It's about encouraging each other
 and building each other up,
 and listening.
 I don't care how long you've been trying -
 I'll still talk to you about it,
 I'll still cry with you about it,
 and I'll still try to get through it beside you.
 So I've "only" been trying 6 months.
 It's still six months of a kind of heartache 
 that nothing else in the world can create inside you;
 it's still a terror that it may never happen.

 The best thing I have taken from this whole thing,
 is that my husband and I have grown so much closer.
 We are doing a new bible study together in the evenings,
 we are going out on dates,
 we are holding hands in the car,
 we are connecting emotionally.
 I sent him a message today thanking him for holding me while I cried yesterday
 as I absorbed what had happened.
 I told him that I was so thankful for his hugs and how he tries to understand.
 I told him that I guess if I'm not meant to have babies,
 at least I have a wonderful husband
 and that's more than a lot of women have.
 I also have some amazing women who have stepped up
 and really been my greatest encouragers.
So for now, 
 I'm focusing on what I do have.
 Enjoying my husband.
 Gearing up for my job.
 Going on adventures.
 and still praying.
 Good things come to those who wait - 
 whatever those good things may be.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Trooppaws Giveaway Winner!

Congratulations to...

She is the winner of my Trooppaws giveaway!
 I am so glad she won because she was a very faithful Tweeter!! 

 I am also very excited 
 because the husband and I are going to the Air Force ball tonight
 and it's always fun to get all gussied up
 and go out with friends,
 you know? :)

 Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!!

Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Letter To Our Child

Dear baby,

 I wanted to write you a little something
 so that you know I think about you
 every second of the day.
 I see other children walking around,
 holding the hands of parents,
 and I wonder how it will feel 
 when you hold my hand.
 I look at your father
 and I wonder if you will have his gorgeous blue eyes
 and dark hair,
 or that one little dimple in his left cheek
 that I love so much.
 I wonder if you will be plagued with my curly hair - 
 and I wonder if you will embrace it
 or resign yourself to straightening it daily like I do.
 I wonder what your very first word will be. 
 I selfishly hope it's "mommy,"
 but I would be happy with it being anything really,
 unless it's "bye-bye" because you hear me have to say it to daddy more often than I would like.

 I was somewhere the other day
 and a small baby looked at me,
 and locked her eyes on me
 for a solid minute.
 It was the deepest stare I have ever experienced.
 And it was like she knew something I didn't.
 It was almost like it was you looking out at me from her eyes.
 It was like a small promise.

 It's been six long months now,
 a whole half a year of trying for you,
 of having dreams of being pregnant with you that I wake up from convinced they were real,
 of falling on my face alone in the living room and praying for you,
 begging God for you through my tears,
 of dealing with the pain of not understanding the plan,
 of hoping.
 I know that Heaven must be an amazing, beautiful place,
 and I know if I were you, I wouldn't want to leave it either.
 I bet Jesus gives great hugs.
 But I'd like to think I give good hugs too,
 and I can promise you that you will be the most loved child
 this Earth has ever seen.

 So do you think you could do mommy a favor,
 and talk to God
 and just let him know that we are ready for you,
 that we want you more than anything, 
 that we desire to raise you in a way that would make Him proud, 
 and that we don't want to wait anymore?

 In the meantime,
 we will keep on waiting,
 and praying,
 and dreaming,
 and hoping,
 and preparing for you.
 And I hope that you can feel our love all this space away,
 and that by the time you come to meet us,
 you will be as excited to be ours
 as we will to be yours.
 I love you already
 more than you'll ever know.


Monday, September 12, 2011

My September 11th Post

Ten Years Ago,

 People turned on their televisions in shock,
 Desperately tried to contact loved ones,
Ran to find safe places,
 Asked millions of questions,
Had hearts sink,
 Felt terror,
 Stood up,
 Vowed to fight,
 Ran to hang flags,
Thanked troops for their service,
 More proudly sang the National Anthem,
 Bonded as a country like never before.

This is one day where no one forgets why they say
 Freedom Isn't Free.
 I hope you flew your flag proudly
 and wore red, white, and blue.
 I hope you saw someone in uniform out in your community,
 and thanked them
 and their family.
 I hope you waved at a firetruck as it went by,
 and told a police officer you appreciated them.
 I hope you hugged your children a little tighter,
 and kissed your spouse an extra time
 before they went to work.
 I hope you said an extra long prayer over dinner,
 and called people you hadn't spoken to in a while
 just to say hi.
 I hope you were grateful for this country,
 and the fact that it doesn't rest until it can guarantee our safety.
 I hope you were grateful for life.

 We will NEVER forget.