Thursday, July 7, 2011

Facelift and Other Ramblings

So I heard back from the blog layout company and the new layout should be done soon!!! I am so excited to see how this facelift for the blog hopefully brings more readers as well as just makes it look a lot more professional than I was able to do myself. So excited :)

Let's not even talk about the Casey Anthony trial... all I have to say is that thank goodness eventually there will be justice for that poor little girl when her family is judged by the One who doesn't need lawyers and reasonable doubt to hand down a verdict. Personally, I think they all probably had a hand in it. But I guess no one will ever truly know what happened - too many lies have been interwoven now to make much sense of it all.

I read an article the other day that said that 85% of women get pregnant within the first year of trying. So far it's not looking good for us. I'm so frustrated I can barely stand it. I just want my body to work right, the way it's supposed to. Once I stopped my pill I had two normal cycles and then a week after that second one I started back again and haven't come off my "week" yet (over a month later). After much argument with my PCM, I couldn't get an appointment for a month. So now I'm still waiting on that. Who knows what that appointment will tell me anyway, other than that despite lots of trying, I'm not pregnant. I think about it all the time. It probably doesn't help that since we've started trying it seems like every friend I have is getting pregnant. No matter how excited I am for them, it still doesn't take away from how badly I want it for myself, and jealousy hits me hard sometimes. I hate how this is the one thing in my whole life that is entirely out of my control, and I go back and forth between praying harder than I ever have with my face to the floor and wanting to hate God for the fact that everyone else's body seems to be working except mine. Even though we haven't been trying for a super long time or anything, I guess you just always assume that your body is going to do what it was made to do and unfortunately, unlike a broken snack machine, you can't just kick it and make it do what you want (I wish). So every time a big fat NO shows up on a test it hurts. So I guess we'll just go to the appointments and try to get some answers, keep on trying, and keep on praying.

On a happier note, the Blue Angels come to town this weekend for a show, and we have some friends coming over for it (which I am super pumped about because I haven't seen them in a while) so hopefully it will make for a fun weekend! Plus it's always nice having someone to cook for.

I also scheduled my NCLEX-RN exam today (eeek!!!!) so now the nerves can really kick in (and studying also HAS to become a priority...sigh...). I'm really nervous about it since everyone I know has passed it so far and I don't want to be that one dud that doesn't. Plus, I really need to start working here soon so that we can afford to do a little more and save some, especially since I want a new camera SO BAD. I started editing some of the pictures I've taken with our dinky little old digital camera in the meantime so that by the time I can get my Canon Rebel I'll really be a pro. One day I would love to be good enough to photograph peoples' weddings and things like that. Anyway, in the meantime, here are a few I edited yesterday :)


  1. Good luck on the NCLEX. Just remember to wash your hands and do your ABCs. IF you do, it will be a breeze, but you will still think you failed when you walk out. It's a part of life.

  2. my heart goes out to you. fertility sucks. we have been trying for over 3 1/2 years. it doesn't get easier. pray for peace. that is what helped me the most. I stopped praying for a baby and started praying for understanding and peace. one thing I have learned through this trial is that it takes faith. Faith in God. Faith in His plan. Faith in His timing. It is sooooo hard to let go of control and submit to his will. He knows, He hears your prayers. He knows your fears. I can finally say that I am grateful for this trial (a few years ago me would punch today me in the face for saying that!!) I have grown both spiritually and mentally. I have become closer to Him. I value my life and my family so much more. I don't take things for granted. I am a better person because I am infertile.
    I'm praying for you!!

  3. MilSpouse Friday Fill-In is featuring your question this week!


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