Thursday, September 15, 2011

A Letter To Our Child

Dear baby,

 I wanted to write you a little something
 so that you know I think about you
 every second of the day.
 I see other children walking around,
 holding the hands of parents,
 and I wonder how it will feel 
 when you hold my hand.
 I look at your father
 and I wonder if you will have his gorgeous blue eyes
 and dark hair,
 or that one little dimple in his left cheek
 that I love so much.
 I wonder if you will be plagued with my curly hair - 
 and I wonder if you will embrace it
 or resign yourself to straightening it daily like I do.
 I wonder what your very first word will be. 
 I selfishly hope it's "mommy,"
 but I would be happy with it being anything really,
 unless it's "bye-bye" because you hear me have to say it to daddy more often than I would like.

 I was somewhere the other day
 and a small baby looked at me,
 and locked her eyes on me
 for a solid minute.
 It was the deepest stare I have ever experienced.
 And it was like she knew something I didn't.
 It was almost like it was you looking out at me from her eyes.
 It was like a small promise.

 It's been six long months now,
 a whole half a year of trying for you,
 of having dreams of being pregnant with you that I wake up from convinced they were real,
 of falling on my face alone in the living room and praying for you,
 begging God for you through my tears,
 of dealing with the pain of not understanding the plan,
 of hoping.
 I know that Heaven must be an amazing, beautiful place,
 and I know if I were you, I wouldn't want to leave it either.
 I bet Jesus gives great hugs.
 But I'd like to think I give good hugs too,
 and I can promise you that you will be the most loved child
 this Earth has ever seen.

 So do you think you could do mommy a favor,
 and talk to God
 and just let him know that we are ready for you,
 that we want you more than anything, 
 that we desire to raise you in a way that would make Him proud, 
 and that we don't want to wait anymore?

 In the meantime,
 we will keep on waiting,
 and praying,
 and dreaming,
 and hoping,
 and preparing for you.
 And I hope that you can feel our love all this space away,
 and that by the time you come to meet us,
 you will be as excited to be ours
 as we will to be yours.
 I love you already
 more than you'll ever know.



  1. That is so sweet. Just keep your head up and remember that good things come to those who wait. When the time is right you will be blessed with one. :)

  2. Beautiful. I will continue to pray that God opens that door for you soon.

  3. our time is coming soon my dear! I love reading your posts because i know i am not alone. it is one of the most frustrating things, and so hard for me to understand why...but we just need to believe. <3

  4. This was one of the sweetest things I've ever read. I hope so much that you will get to meet the little one that's meant for you very, very soon.

  5. Aw, so dear from a loving lady who is wanting a dear child. I will continue to pray for you! Keep the faith, my friend and know that God has you in his loving arms and knows what you feel. Hugs!

  6. Good things come to those who wait :) we been ttc for over a year, after a while i just gave up! Me myself and i found the peace somewhere to know that we never will be parents until the day i took a pregnancy test and to take that test was a sign of god..

    take your time hun, AND dont stress thats the worst you can do! good luck!!!


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