Thursday, September 22, 2011

How To "Date" Your Own Husband

So this past week has been pretty rough.
 But it's also been pretty darn great.
 This might be a long post,
 so grab your pumpkin spice latte
 (come on, we all know you've already caved this season)
 and curl up.

 I was not a Christian before I met my husband.
 I attended church,
 even taught Sunday School,
 but was not truly a Christian.
 My husband always has been.
 The night before he left for Officer Training School
 he got re-baptized with me
 just the two of us at our church.
 It was the first for me.
 Since then, I have struggled.
 Struggled to maintain and even grow my faith,
 especially when I thought OTS was going to rip my marriage clean in two
 (and which it very nearly did)
 mostly because of my bad attitude. 
 When he left for the second time,
 it was better.
That time, I didn't blame him.
 Even when I dropped him off at the airport
 and on the way home my very faithful car died in the middle of the street.
 Or the next day when I thought I accidentally forgot the parking break on his mustang
 and was sure it had rolled back into our garage door,
 which was why it wasn't opening.
 And my keys were now locked inside
 because of course the garage door keypad had gone haywire.
 And I called a locksmith
 who took an hour to get into my house.
 And when I then tried to re-enter my garage code,
 and the door opened right up.
 Yep, not even then.

 And then we started trying for a baby,
 and that's been a less than perfect journey.
 But we decided to take some time out of his incredibly busy schedule
 and do a Bible study together
 for the first time.
 Our AMAZING friends/neighbors gave us Fireproof.
 We watched the movie and did week one's lesson.
 I didn't realize my husband was this smart.
 Let me elaborate
 (before you think I'm a total jerk).
 Being a new Christian,
 I suffer from interpreting the Bible EXTREMELY literally.
 And I often way way way get it wrong.
 We were instructed by the study to read a passage,
 the one that talks about how God knows every hair on your head and knew you when you were being formed in your mother's womb;
 how we were fearfully and wonderfully made.
 Well, I turned to BE in a fit of residual baby-anger
 and said,
"Well, see, women were meant to have babies. Otherwise Adam wouldn't have needed Eve.
 So if a woman can't have a baby,
 then obviously God messed up.
 If we are all made in His image,
 none of us should be messed up.
 So that doesn't even make sense."
 To which my wonderful husband replied,
 "No, no. You're missing the point.
 Women were made to be companions -
 the man was not supposed to be lonely,
 so God made him a helper, a friend, a companion.
 You're supposed to be my friend first."

 So I say,
 "Well then why did God give me this intense desire to be a mother,
 if I may never be? If that's not my plan?"
 BE very thoughtfully replies,
 "Well, just because you may never have biological children
 doesn't mean that those feelings are misplaced.
 Maybe your purpose for those feelings is to be a Sunday School teacher,
 and impact children that way,
 or maybe even adopt
 and change a child's life.
 God has a purpose for those feelings,
 even if we don't know them yet."

 Sometimes I think God gave me the husband he did to humble me.
 What an incredible teaching moment that was.
 And the first time that I had really seen my husband become the spiritual leader in our marriage like that.
 What a man I have.
 I never would have looked at those passages that way.
 I would have stayed stuck in my narrow-minded justifications of my anger and bitterness.

 I sat next to a blind man at the hospital today
 waiting on a prescription to be filled.
 We talked about church and God.
 How happy he was - and he was totally blind.
 Said he had hitch-hiked to get to his doctor's appointment,
 and it had taken him three rides.
 And to think I had never thanked God for the simplicity of my health.
 For my circumstances.
 For having a husband and a house and a car and the sight to drive it.

 This has truly been a humbling and teaching week for me.
 BE and I have decided to "date" again - 
 we're going to take Saturdays and do fun things.
 We have some plans for the next few weeks 
 and I'm pretty excited about that.
 A friend of mine who had struggled with conceiving
 told me to look at this situation as,
 "Who do you want to be when you get pregnant?"
 and that changed my perspective on everything.
 I want to be the best person/woman/wife/Christian/friend/daughter/sister that I can be.
 I need to work on myself first.
 And my marriage.
 And God will add in another when he knows I'm ready for it.
 This is my challenge,
 but I think I'm ready.


  1. Such an awesome, inspiring post! I think your husband and your friend both had really interesting things to say. Loved this.

  2. love this post. I have experienced some similar feelings. we've been trying for a baby for over a year and it can be exhausting, physically, emotionally, and mentally. We have to trust God's timing. most of the time we see the situation for what we think it should be and when, God sees the bigger picture. hang in there <3

  3. This was wonderful. I think every couple should make an effort to keep dating, no matter how long they've been dating.

  4. Great post and you are on the right track. My hubby and I have a date every Sunday night where we go to Subway, usually, for dinner. Sometimes we walk since there's one close and I've started holding hands with him. I miss that. I realized that a few weeks ago when I was behind a young couple. We've been married almost 34 years and we need to stay in love, which we are! I have been a Christian for many years and I am still learning things and still reading His word.
    Lamentations 3:22-26 Have a good day, my friend.

  5. Great post.
    I have just signed up for this:
    and hoping it will help - especially after the Soldier has been gone for so long.

    Have a wonderful weekend!

  6. Such an inspiring post! Your husband spoke such wise words. Through this deployment, I have realized some of those things about my marriage as well - not to take my husband for granted, appreciate the things he does rather than focus on what he doesn't and mostly to make time for him. I feel like "dating" him again when he gets home will be key to making the homecoming much smoother! Thanks for sharing!

  7. Thanks for sharing :) My fiance and I are embarking on his journey to God through Catholic religion. I, too am working on myself to become the best woman I can be before we get married. I feel as though we need to "date" again because things are tough right now. We all figure it out, as long as we want to figure it out.

    x's and o's

  8. I love this whole post. My husband and I have date night at home once during the week and date night out once on the weekends and I absolutely believe it helps our marriage.


Please remember that if you know us personally, we ask that you not disclose any private information such as names or contact information. Thank you!
Now, show us some love!!