I feel terrible that my updates are so sporadic these days,
but work has been taking up all my time!
Today ended my first week off of orientation,
and I'll tell you what:
Big Girl Panties are scary.
I had that shift last week,
the one that might as well have had Murphy's Law stamped in bright red all over it?
Everything went wrong,
I ran around all day and night
and didn't even realize I hadn't stopped to pee once since 6 a.m.
I should have just inserted my own catheter.
Hauling the bag around would have been easier.
But then, I had one patient,
and as he stood there telling me about how much his necessary medications cost,
and how hard it is for him,
I had my first "ah-ha" moment as a nurse.
I was TRULY listening to him.
Not just HEARING him.
Really taking to heart what he was saying,
feeling my heart break for him as he looked so defeated by the system,
and so I sat.
Even though I was busy.
I just sat, facing him, and I listened.
And it really opened my heart.
I was reminded of a verse:
James 1:19 "Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear,
slow to speak, and slow to anger."
I was so frustrated by the shift,
by feeling like I just couldn't get caught up to save my life,
but in that moment I began to pray all of that away.
And I listened.
I heard not only the words my patient was speaking, but WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO SAY.
And as I left later, he looked at me and said,
"You know, I've had lots of fine nurses, but you've been one of the best."
Talk about a heart bursting.
Bursting with appreciation that for that shift, I had gotten that opportunity,
and that God had given me ears to listen.
Wishing that I could solve all the problems of every person in the world,
and having the knowledge to realize that I can't.
But also to realize what I CAN do.
And that's be more than just a waitress with a fancy title,
more than just a medicine machine,
more than just that girl who pops her head in every once in a while.
I can be an example.
I can be a picture of how a Christian woman should be.
I can be the one person who truly cares,
and takes the time to do as much as I can about it.
I can be the person who knows my patients backwards and forwards
and advocates for their best interests,
even when the day has been long and I'm already behind.
I can be the one who sits with them when they are scared and tells dumb jokes when they need a laugh,
explain things to them instead of telling them it's "because the doctor says you need it,"
the one who makes things right by them.
I can be what it truly means to be a Nurse.
And if I can be that,
no matter how stressful my week was,
I consider it a complete and total success.