The Trick Is...

So I've learned a little trick about marriage recently.

 It's loving an imperfect person...perfectly.

 And it goes both ways,

 this imperfection.

 In the past month we have had to confront our imperfections

both as individuals as well as a couple,

 and it brought out the worst in both of us.

 We were intolerant,

 unforgiving,

 resentful,

 scathing,

 and unhappy.

 Soon that unhappiness that we couldn't place

 turned into a panic to escape it.

 The D-word was thrown out

 and our world spiraled faster than either of us saw coming.

 We were watching, star-struck,

 as our marriage started to crumble.

 We did things purposefully to hurt each other,

 we said things meant to cut to the bone,

 we both emotionally checked out.

And now we're busy trying to put the pieces back together.

 The stress of trying for kids,

 the stress of our jobs,

 the stress of his schedule,

 it was all just too much.

 So we've stopped trying.

 We also have cancelled the wedding,

 which broke my heart,

 but I know it's for the best

 so we can concentrate on us as a couple,

 on what we are going to do to fall back in love again.

Because the D-word should never enter a marriage;

 it's like a black fog that comes in and covers everything

 clouds the mind

 places blame

 makes you lose all that beautiful white fairy-tale love that brought you together

makes you lose sight of the big picture.
We have kept this very private,
 and intend to keep it that way.
 But I wanted everyone to know that I hadn't disappeared,
 and I feel like this will be an amazing testimony in the end.

 But God is working at clearing the fog.

 I haven't stopped praying since it all began.

 Sometimes I got bitter,

 that me, the "baby Christian", was having to carry all the weight of trying to pray our marriage out of this on my own.

 But now I realize it's the best thing that ever happened to me.

 God has entered my life and my heart like I had always wished He would do.

 For the first time in my life, I FEEL Him. 

 Deep down.

 And know he's there, influencing everything, protecting me, giving me grace.

 This weekend we are going on a weekend-long date,

 getting out of the house for a while

 so we can talk on neutral ground.

 Things have been great the past few days,

 but we need some "us" time.

 Time to watch those awful papers finally leave the kitchen table

 and go up in flames where they belong.

 "REJOICE EVERMORE.

 PRAY WITHOUT CEASING.

 IN EVERYTHING GIVE THANKS,

 FOR THIS IS THE WILL OF GOD IN JESUS CHRIST

 FOR 

 YOU."

 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18