Saturday, January 28, 2012

The Trick Is...

So I've learned a little trick about marriage recently.
 It's loving an imperfect person...perfectly.
 And it goes both ways,
 this imperfection.
 In the past month we have had to confront our imperfections
both as individuals as well as a couple,
 and it brought out the worst in both of us.
 We were intolerant,
 and unhappy.
 Soon that unhappiness that we couldn't place
 turned into a panic to escape it.
 The D-word was thrown out
 and our world spiraled faster than either of us saw coming.
 We were watching, star-struck,
 as our marriage started to crumble.
 We did things purposefully to hurt each other,
 we said things meant to cut to the bone,
 we both emotionally checked out.

And now we're busy trying to put the pieces back together.
 The stress of trying for kids,
 the stress of our jobs,
 the stress of his schedule,
 it was all just too much.
 So we've stopped trying.
 We also have cancelled the wedding,
 which broke my heart,
 but I know it's for the best
 so we can concentrate on us as a couple,
 on what we are going to do to fall back in love again.
Because the D-word should never enter a marriage;
 it's like a black fog that comes in and covers everything
 clouds the mind
 places blame
 makes you lose all that beautiful white fairy-tale love that brought you together
makes you lose sight of the big picture.
We have kept this very private,
 and intend to keep it that way.
 But I wanted everyone to know that I hadn't disappeared,
 and I feel like this will be an amazing testimony in the end.
 But God is working at clearing the fog.
 I haven't stopped praying since it all began.
 Sometimes I got bitter,
 that me, the "baby Christian", was having to carry all the weight of trying to pray our marriage out of this on my own.
 But now I realize it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
 God has entered my life and my heart like I had always wished He would do.
 For the first time in my life, I FEEL Him. 
 Deep down.
 And know he's there, influencing everything, protecting me, giving me grace.
 This weekend we are going on a weekend-long date,
 getting out of the house for a while
 so we can talk on neutral ground.
 Things have been great the past few days,
 but we need some "us" time.
 Time to watch those awful papers finally leave the kitchen table
 and go up in flames where they belong.

 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18


  1. I am so sorry you both are going through this. But, I think your clarity in the situation is wonderful and I have every faith that you both will get back to where you want to be in your marriage. Lots of prayers.

  2. I am so sorry for the struggles that you are going through. It is so east to get caught up in life and lose the couple in the marriage, but you both are showing the strength and love that you have for each other by taking a step back and working on it together. I hope that you have a wonderful weekend together and I will be keeping you guys in my prayers!

  3. I think sometimes God allows us to struggle so that we can draw closer to Him. I know how much stress trying to have a baby can put on a marriage. It is so important to take some time to focus on you as a couple. You will be in my prayers. Enjoy your weekend!

  4. Praying for both of you and hope your weekend was great with each other. Don't let the big D destroy the commitment you made to each other and God. He is in the midst and head of your marriage. Look to Him and keep believing and loving each other. When you show respect for your spouse, you show that you are honoring God as well. We learned a few years ago in a marriage conference. Hugs and blessings and take care!

  5. I think it's awesome that you are honest to admit what so many couples go through and sweep under the rug. I hope things get much better for you both and that this weekend is a romantic, relaxing time. Keeping you in my prayers!

  6. I know we aren't friends anymore, but I want to tell you that i feel for you and I know exactly how you are feeling. Well except for the having the baby thing. Marriages are tough, believe me, mine is crumbling as I write this. It's good that you have God in your life. I have been slowly thinking about letting him enter back into my life but I am just not completely sure. If you ever need to talk. I am here..

  7. Oh my dear I understand more than I could say. Infertility is tough and extraordinarily stressful. Its a thousand times worse when the military is your life and moreso, in your relationship. I'm glad you guys are figuring it out though. I'm ALWAYS here for chats, vents, and just plain old cry sessions.

    On a brighter note, PLEASE go enter my giveaways!! You'd make my day :)


  8. Grab a copy of the Love Dare.

    When we were newlyweds, someone told us that it became important to tell her spouse that she not only loved him (which was a given), but that she liked him as well. Liking the person you love can go a long way - by God's grace.

    Praying for y'all and hoping you had a restorative weekend.

  9. no one said it would be easy...but marriage is SO worth the time and effort


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