Oh, Wednesday

Well, today is back to Day One with the hubs - CSO school officially began for him bright and early this morning (the alarm went off around 0430 and I wanted to punch him), so I'm left to tackle my NCLEX-RN studying alone, which I thought would be a good thing but in reality has completely and totally killed my motivation with no one in the background like a second father telling me to STUDY! constantly. So Animal Cops Houston has been the majority of my morning lol (Buster watches tv if there are dogs on it, and we're all about some justice seeing as how he was a humane society dog himself). While my husband struggles to survive death by powerpoint, I am left to stare slack-faced at my computer screen for the rest of the day, and try to break it up with chores around the house as I go.

I am pretty excited to be going to see Winnie the Pooh in theaters this Friday - judge me all you want but I LOVE those old stories and can't wait to see what they did with it in movie form. You are never too old for Disney.

One week from today I FINALLY have my GYN appointment. Only took me over a month of fighting to get it. You would think being on your "week" for over a month would be considered slightly emergent - guess not. Luckily I have stopped (for longer than two days this time - WOOHOO!!) and so BE and I are back on the baby-making warpath. I am treating this like a personal battle against my own body - and trying to overcome my faith doubts in the process. It's hard seeing people like Casey Anthony and young adolescents having children and then look at us - married with a home, the finances to support it, and all the love in the world to give - and make sense of it. Sometimes it's easy to convince myself that either God has abandoned me or that he doesn't hear me when I fall on my face and pray. It's easy to waiver in faith when your body doesn't work "the way it's supposed to". Somehow I have to trust that he knows my heart and how badly I want this, and trust that he has the power to make it happen. Fingers crossed that he will.

Facelift and Other Ramblings

So I heard back from the blog layout company and the new layout should be done soon!!! I am so excited to see how this facelift for the blog hopefully brings more readers as well as just makes it look a lot more professional than I was able to do myself. So excited :)

Let's not even talk about the Casey Anthony trial... all I have to say is that thank goodness eventually there will be justice for that poor little girl when her family is judged by the One who doesn't need lawyers and reasonable doubt to hand down a verdict. Personally, I think they all probably had a hand in it. But I guess no one will ever truly know what happened - too many lies have been interwoven now to make much sense of it all.

I read an article the other day that said that 85% of women get pregnant within the first year of trying. So far it's not looking good for us. I'm so frustrated I can barely stand it. I just want my body to work right, the way it's supposed to. Once I stopped my pill I had two normal cycles and then a week after that second one I started back again and haven't come off my "week" yet (over a month later). After much argument with my PCM, I couldn't get an appointment for a month. So now I'm still waiting on that. Who knows what that appointment will tell me anyway, other than that despite lots of trying, I'm not pregnant. I think about it all the time. It probably doesn't help that since we've started trying it seems like every friend I have is getting pregnant. No matter how excited I am for them, it still doesn't take away from how badly I want it for myself, and jealousy hits me hard sometimes. I hate how this is the one thing in my whole life that is entirely out of my control, and I go back and forth between praying harder than I ever have with my face to the floor and wanting to hate God for the fact that everyone else's body seems to be working except mine. Even though we haven't been trying for a super long time or anything, I guess you just always assume that your body is going to do what it was made to do and unfortunately, unlike a broken snack machine, you can't just kick it and make it do what you want (I wish). So every time a big fat NO shows up on a test it hurts. So I guess we'll just go to the appointments and try to get some answers, keep on trying, and keep on praying.

On a happier note, the Blue Angels come to town this weekend for a show, and we have some friends coming over for it (which I am super pumped about because I haven't seen them in a while) so hopefully it will make for a fun weekend! Plus it's always nice having someone to cook for.

I also scheduled my NCLEX-RN exam today (eeek!!!!) so now the nerves can really kick in (and studying also HAS to become a priority...sigh...). I'm really nervous about it since everyone I know has passed it so far and I don't want to be that one dud that doesn't. Plus, I really need to start working here soon so that we can afford to do a little more and save some, especially since I want a new camera SO BAD. I started editing some of the pictures I've taken with our dinky little old digital camera in the meantime so that by the time I can get my Canon Rebel I'll really be a pro. One day I would love to be good enough to photograph peoples' weddings and things like that. Anyway, in the meantime, here are a few I edited yesterday :)